It's Not Your Fault

There was a point in the movie "Good Will Hunting" where protagonist Will Hunting, played by Matt Damon, is having a discussion with therapist Sean Maguire, played by the late Robin Williams. This could actually be my personal tribute to Robin.

The two characters go over Will's past, in particular, the abuse he had to endure as a child. At one point in time, Sean tells Will that what happened to him when he was a child was not his fault. It wasn't his fault. It was not his fault. Why do I bring this up? I find a parallel between child abuse (verbal, physical, sexual) and abuse that comes from church authorities. Think about it. Sometimes, the abuse encountered is similar in nature, i.e., there can be verbal, emotional, even sexual abuse (in the form of being forced to copulate with the minister, and let's not forget the Catholic priest molestation scandals). And I'm here to tell you right now that, no matter what happened to you inside of church, whether you attend one now or if you've moved on, no matter who was the perpetrator or what they may have said to you, it's not your fault. It's not your fault what happened. It wasn't you. The other person did not see you as a person, but a target and a scapegoat. This isn't because of your failure, or your "sin." It's not your fault. You did the best with what you could have done with the knowledge and resources you had at the time. It's not your fault. And if you are still in a church or organization which has a history of abusing not only you, but you've heard similar stories from others, I have some advice for you. Leave. The abuse is only going to continue. It's like the situation of a battered wife. She doesn't want to leave her husband/fiancee/boyfriend/lover because he "loves" her and she doesn't know where she would go. Likewise, you may have thought about leaving that place, perhaps your gut was urging you strongly that this was not a safe place. But, you may have been told that if you leave that place, you would be "leaving God" and would go to Hell. I know this personally. I know because that was my own story. And it all came to a head when I thought that living like that was unbearable and even the consequences like Hell were worth it. It may be that you need to reach a place like that, but hopefully not. Take my advice and go. You'll see your old 'friends' every once in a while, and you'll see how cold they are to you, but don't let that affect your decision. Hell, they're probably mad because you had the courage to walk away when they secretly wanted to do the same, but were too pussy to do it. Remember, if there is anything that you've taken from this article, it should be this: any abuse you've encountered, no matter the situation, no matter who is involved, is never, ever your fault. Amen and amen.